I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
