Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
