i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
