Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
