I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
