need another drink. this is the easiest way
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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