This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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