WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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