Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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