If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
