Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my shit smells like andre
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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