Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
