i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
