The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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