just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
