i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize