I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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