She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
being pregnant is like rehab
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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