i barfeds in our rink
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
