Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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