Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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