70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
