remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
