my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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