How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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