I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
