omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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