just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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