At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
