We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize