so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
