UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
