I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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