i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
