her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
sex in a hospital.. check
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
