That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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