I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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