R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
