I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
