all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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