Your mouth is God's brothel.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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