I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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