If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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