Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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