i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
