So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
