Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
