sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
