Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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