I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
