lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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