Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
