ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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