Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
