You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
