Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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