And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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