What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
