Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
