my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
