kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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