So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
