Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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