Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
