I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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