your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
