i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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