Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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