I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
