my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
