Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
