The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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