you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We got so high we made milksteak
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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