I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
