Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
