she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
