how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
