apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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