oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Mom said you looked used
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
