You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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