If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
