Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
