so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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