Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We got so high we made milksteak
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
why is half of my head shaved?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
